That time of year is upon us again. Love is in the air, and Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. Gift giving is an essential part of Valentine’s Day. If you are looking for that special something in and around Dublin, CA to give your significant other, this article has nothing for you. Instead, I have a list of items that should NOT be be given to loved ones on this special day.

• Dress Barn Gift Card: You know what lives inside of a barn? That’s right, cows. I don’t care if Dress Barn is selling Gucci handbags there or redefining fashion forward with its merchandise. If the clothing store name has the word “Barn” in it, not giving that special someone a gift card from that store would be a good rule of thumb to follow. Moo.
• Rogaine: As great as the lyrics from that catchy Ingrid Michaelson song is (“I’d buy you Rogaine when you start losing all your hair”), please don’t buy your significant other Rogaine for Valentine’s Day. That purchasing decision should only involve your man, the self-serve checkout kiosk, and the person behind him in line. Yes, this recommendation does extend to Cialis as well. As romantic as those commercials with loving couples lying in separate bath tubs in the middle of nowhere are, pharmaceuticals should generally be avoided.
• Life Insurance Policy with You as the Beneficiary: Nothing says love like “Happy Valentine’s Day, now hurry up and die so that I can collect on the life insurance policy.”
• Gift Certificate for Life Coach Sessions: While the good intentions are there, giving your loved one a gift that screams “I don’t know what your problem is, but maybe this stranger can help” somehow sends the wrong message.
• Gym Membership: ‘Tis the season of conditional love when you give someone a certificate that says “I love you as long as you can lose a few pounds.” The time for gym membership is during the holiday season, when people are thinking about the New Year’s resolution. The time has passed.
• Pots and Pans: Please don’t tell me that there are still guys that give their wives or girlfriends pots and pans. What’s for next year? A vacuum cleaner?
• Used 2007-2010 Toyota or Lexus: With the massive recall, news reports of runaway Priuses, and Corollas with faulty computer systems, giving your loved one a recalled Toyota or Lexus could send the wrong message, especially if the car is accompanied with a life insurance policy that has you listed as the beneficiary.

Have a wonderful Valentine’s Day! Stick with roses, candy, cards, or maybe a Hearts On Fire diamond, and you should be fine for the year.